If you’re trying to achieve pregnancy or actively pregnant, have you ever wondered if sex during pregnancy is okay? Many questions can arise about sex in pregnancy, so this post is going to tackle common questions and concerns.
This doesn’t encompass all of the nuances of sex, specifically related to pregnancy, but can address some common questions that arise! If you have any concerns or are uncertain about pain or discomfort you experience, contact a medical professional immediately for support. This post is not intended and does not replace professional medical care.
5 common questions
Is it safe? Sex during pregnancy is usually safe and isn’t an issue for couples to engage in sex together. However, it’s important to pay attention to any of the following symptoms, stop immediately, and contact your medical professional for support:
- Unexplained vaginal bleeding
- Leaking amniotic fluid
Your doctor or midwife will be able to provide specific recommendations to your pregnancy if one of the following is part of your medical history or current pregnancy experience:
- Partial opening of the cervix (cervical incompetence)
- Placenta covers your cervical opening (placenta previa)
- History of preterm labor or premature birth
- Pregnancy with multiples
You may experience light spotting or cramping after penetration, but if the cramping or bleeding is severe or uncomfortable, seek medical attention. If you have concerns or questions about sex or find that something feels painful or uncomfortable, don’t wait to contact someone. It is always so worth it to reach out to your medical professional (whether it’s your doula, midwife or OBGYN) to make sure you’re taking care of you and baby well and to have peace of mind during your pregnancy.
Why is it so uncomfortable? You may experience some discomfort with sex during pregnancy and it’s important to pay attention to the level of discomfort and if any pain is involved. It’s helpful to use lubricant to help with discomfort and can aid in the increasing challenges of foreplay during pregnancy. Let’s not pretend, foreplay can become a bit more of a challenge as the woman’s body is changing and growing a human being! Additionally, find positions that feel better. Common positions recommended to pregnant women & spouses are spooning side-by-side, sitting on the edge of the bed, or woman on top. Ultimately, you have to experiment and try what works best. Communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t! And, be flexible as the positions that felt great in the first trimester may totally change during the second and third trimesters of pregnancy.
Will my sex drive be impacted? It will most likely be impacted based on the hormonal changes and blood flow occurring, too! Some studies have found that women find an increase in their sex drive during the second trimester due to hormonal shifts and increased blood flow to the genitals. Shifting body shape, physical pains, and/or decreased energy levels can impact sex drive, too. It’s important to be patient with yourself and each other as these changes occur and process what you’re feeling and experiencing honestly with each other. This connection and communication can help build intimacy and positively impact sex drive for women (and men). Be compassionate and gentle as you learn how your bodies work together in this new season of life as a couple. Every pregnancy is different, so each pregnancy and experience with sex during that particular pregnancy is unique. Be willing to work together and find creative ways to show your love and desire for each other! It may sound cliche, but it’s true!
I’m really sick during my pregnancy. What if it’s really hard to have sex? This requires communication and making sure you’re voicing what’s going on, how you’re feeling, and what you feel up to. Sometimes, illness and nausea in pregnancy can mean little to no sex. Don’t get scared by this or intimidated by this possibility! Each couple and each situation is so unique. Some couples have frequent sex even though the wife may experience intense nausea in the first trimester or throughout pregnancy. It really depends (and, as long as it’s safe for mom & baby, of course!) how and what your sex life looks like as you navigate pregnancy together. You are not required by Catholic Church teaching to have sex for any reason during pregnancy. Again, be sure to talk to your spouse about your needs and create a sacred, safe space for both of you to process what you hope for and what you need during this time. If you’re really struggling in this area, work with a therapist or trusted friend to navigate this time together because it can be challenging!
What’s morally allowed during pregnancy? I’m already pregnant, so does it matter what we do? A common question I get is if a couple is pregnant and clearly open to life with a pregnancy, is it necessary for the man to have to ejaculate in the vagina (commonly referred to as PIV: penis in vagina)? The answer to this is yes! I actually asked a friend of mine, who is a moral theologian, about this to better explain why we have to be open to life no matter what (even if a woman is pregnant because you are clearly open then, too!) and it’s about the two-part reality: we are made to create life (actual and potential) and we are meant to love our spouses. The conjugal union (intercourse) retains a procreative nature whether or not fertilization actually takes place. Deliberately avoiding the procreative nature of sex (PIV) is immoral because it’s a literal abuse of the sexual organs and their design and the abuse of the other individual (using your spouse as an object of sexual gratification). This can be hard to grapple with if you find that you feel loved or your spouse feels loved outside of PIV, so if you have further questions on this, feel free to reach out to me at MYF or reach out to Brandy Norton at Good Catholic Sex or Dr. Sarah Bartel at Cana Feast. We are here to support you, help you, and share the goodness of the Catholic Church’s teachings about sex and marriage!
I hope this helps clear up some of your questions or concerns you have about pregnancy in sex. Ultimately, sex is a gift and it’s a gift because it can be both beautiful and hard! It has the ability to bring two unique and unrepeatable individual together as one and the potential to create a totally new, unique and unrepeatable individual, too!
Don’t be afraid to communicate with each other about your needs in sex, especially during this new season in your marriage as you prepare to welcome a baby (or babies!) and lean into the hard as much as you lean into the joys.
This is not medical advice. Always consult your doctor or midwife if you have questions or concerns.
