What do you think of when you hear the word “intimacy with your spouse”? Maybe it’s emotional, physical, spiritual…
I want to add much more on the website & online about sex because sex is GOOD in marriage and it’s powerful. I also want to address the emotional and spiritual aspects that help us live integrated lives in our marriages. I’m in the thick of it. I won’t pretend to have all the answers.
But, I’m sure willing to have the conversations as we learn and grow.
I want to focus on sex today. When you’re not having great sex with your spouse, you feel it. Because it IS powerful.
Catholics believe that sex reflects the mysterious love of the Trinity.
THAT IS POWERFUL.
And, it can freak some people out. I mean, sex reflecting the love and mystery of the Trinity? Father, Son, and Holy Spirit?
If you have a pornified view of love, that’s going to be uncomfortable to hear.
If you think that sex is ONLY for babies and it shouldn’t be enjoyable, well, the idea that sex is good and it reflects the love of the Trinity when spouses are united in body and God made it pleasurable… that’s going to be hard to take in.
There can be many variations in between because we are body AND soul. Our experiences impact how we give and receive love.
We need to be curious about what it means to be integrated in our marriages and in sex.
Women tend towards emotional connection and then physical connection. Men tend towards physical connection and then emotional connection.
This isn’t a curse or a bad thing. This requires BOTH spouses to step outside of themselves in order to love each other. And, in the process, experience a more whole, integrated love that fuels BOTH spouses up. A relationship that is purely physical lacks the emotional connection needed. A relationship that is purely emotional lacks the physical connection that is needed. Both are powerful and necessary, but in a specific way: sex sets marriage apart. It IS integral.
And, that’s not a bad thing. Sex drives, emotional depletion, physical stressors or reasons needed to avoid sex can cause challenges for couples. This isn’t pre-original sin sex where Adam and Eve saw each other as the body-soul combo and loved each other in totality.
We experience the brokenness of our wounds in sex.
But, unlike Adam and Eve who experienced post-fall sex (they knew what it was to have mind-blowing sex & connection before the fall) and experienced the DIS-integration and severing of love, we get to experience sex that has the possibility to heal, restore, and get better with our spouses.
The possibility that we may be able to experience better sex in our marriage is an astonishing and amazing reality!
It doesn’t just happen. It requires us to step outside of ourselves and show up for the other by practicing good communication, emotional connection, healing wounds or traumas (remember, traumas don’t have to be huge to be hurting your relationship), and a willingness to call each other on in virtue and love.
What if your spouse became your refuge? Your greatest cheerleader? Your greatest friend & lover?
Sex doesn’t need to be sacrifice and pain and hurt.
Sex has the ability to be the greatest place of connection and hope in a marriage if we are willing to show up, ask ourselves hard questions, and get curious about what may be limiting us.
The devil doesn’t want healthy, holy marriages and great sex lives. But, the devil doesn’t have the final say. God does and God wins.
He made sex and He made it GOOD. Your body is good, pleasure is good, babies are good.
What stirs in your heart as you read this?
Start there and ask the Holy Spirit to enter in.
A prayer that Christopher West has shared that is so simple, yet so powerful is this:
“Lord, untwist the lies and reveal the truth.”
Let God untwist the lies and show you the truth in your marriage, so you can THRIVE. You are designed to thrive, not merely survive.
